It's Holy Week. Lapsed Catholic that I am, the guilt runs deep and manifests itself in some of the strangest dreams I have all year during Holy Week. And let me tell you, I have strange dreams with more regularity than the lunar cycle. For the last few years especially, when I've shut my eyes on the nights before Easter, I've been greeted by a parade of unsettling images and sounds: several dead relatives checking up on me, rides in airplane-rollercoaster hybrids alternating with terrifying plunges in futuristic elevators, co-existing in a state of perpetual sadness with a former flame in a beach house in Germany (as if the phrase "beach house in Germany" didn't instantly fill one with a sense of dread), actually being a BUMBLE BEE and screaming at all the other bees to "get (their) shit together" and pollinate the damn flowers correctly, and catching a baby with a FULL SET OF TEETH. Each of those items corresponds to a separate dream I've had in the last three years. The bumble bee one happened early Monday morning, the toothsome baby woke me up at 3 a.m. on Wednesday and never let me get back to sleep (just like a real baby!), and the airplanes/rollercoasters/elevators were all early morning yesterday - I know it's Good Friday (and really, how's that for an ironic label for a holy day) when I wake up gasping and drenched in cold sweat.
The bumble bee one was actually kind of fun, but probably reveals deeply set control issues. (My friend Ruth interprets my dreams for me, and she's been both a source of reassurance and an honest mirror when it comes to this stuff. And with the health coverage I have, providing Ruth with the occasional cupcake beats a 60$ copay for therapy.)
I don't remember much about the bee dream, except that I was actually a bee hovering around flowers surrounded by other bees and attempting to pollinate said flowers. I remember being fed up that the other bees weren't pulling their weight, or their technique was off, or something. Anyway, they weren't up to snuff, and I was being a raging bee-yotch and kept bee-rating them. (Sorry.) I didn't actually see myself in the dream in bee form, but I like to imagine that to the other bees, I had a black and yellow bee's body with the pale, angry face my friends and family get to see whenever they piss me off.
Dream chat to be continued. I suddenly crave a nap.
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