You know you've got sleep issues when you use Excel to count sheep

Well, this will help certainly help me rest easy...

http://jezebel.com/5886667/sleeplessness-will-make-your-brain-explode

So, how've you been?

Haven't posted in a while. Yes, I know the purpose of a blog is to actually post and share interesting thoughts with potential readers. Not posting on a blog is like having a computer you never use to do anything, like word processing, listening to music, or dare I say, posting on a blog. But blogs don't exist in the real tangible world, so you can't even say, hang your sweater up on the monitor or have a pile of mail, a book, and the second season of Justified balanced precariously on the hard drive as you could an otherwise-useless computer. So there's even less of a point to having a blog to which you never post. Just sayin'.

I'm trying to motivate myself to post more, and I think I found said motivation. The game Word Warp, which I play on my phone pretty much constantly when underground on the subway, has been a source of amusement for me for about a year and a half now. It's basically a word scramble game where you get 6 letters and have to beat the clock to make as many words as possible, but you can only advance to the next round if you get at least one of the possible 6 letter words. In my desperation to beat the clock, however, sometimes I end up making words that don't really exist, but potentially should.

So I've started screen-capturing the best fake words/ accidental portmanteaus / actual words that stupid word-warp doesn't recognize and want to share them with all three of you who follow this blog.

It did not accept Legos. What the hell? (Apparently proper nouns and names don't count. Whatever, Word Warp.)

A Snuggly that can also rally the troops to battle. Or morning physical training.

You mean to tell me that Word Warp doesn't acknowledge the existence of coke-addled rock and roll clowns?

Of course none of this compares to the near-total breakdown I had circa 125th street on the 6 when I had reached my high score of over 34,000 points and couldn't get the 6 letter word "Adorns" for the win (I was too dejected to capture the image). My thumbs flew feverishly, as I practically screamed aloud "Whaddya mean it isn't SNOARD?!?!?! That's totally a word!"

I mean, clearly it's a board you use to hit someone who has awoken you from your slumber by snoring too loudly.

How long could YOU survive?

Created by Oatmeal

Parenting

Especially when you and your baby have apparently been knocking back the Chianti.

ETA: This sign was on a changing table in Bloomingdales.  That is all.

Message to Men on NYC Public Transportation

So this is just my random rave from having to commute daily on public transportation for the last three months. I was spoiled for the last nine years to drive in my car every day. Now I'm stuck riding buses and trains with all the NYC men who apparently have the largest penises in the universe. Now I'm saying this because I assume your need to take up more than one seat on all forms of public transit must be that you are soooo uncomfortable because you are just so Ginormous!! Wow it must be so difficult to be so well endowed. My heart goes out to your troubles...but seriously move the hell over and give people the right to sit down!!
Thank you.
KO

A Warning to all hipster parents- I'm watching you...

Okay look very closely- aww cute groundhogs, their little homes and now pan to the upper left hand corner..see some legs and a little bit of red??? Yep that is a child - a little obnoxious child. And what do you ask is he doing? Oh that's right..little "Joey" decided that it was his right to run through the groundhog exhibit. Oh and even better-- Joey's dad who decided he was too lazy and cool to run around and grab "Joey" out of the exhibit. Oh no-he decides to yell across the exhibit at his unruly child and say "you better not do that again 'Joey'". Seriously hipster parents..really???? I know if "Joey" had gotten bit by a groundhog that was pissed you stepped on his property or had broken his leg when falling through the groundhog labyrinth, "Joey's" dad would have sued faster than I said WTF when I saw Joey run though the exhibit. Literally the whole crowd just stared open mouthed at this debacle. And let me tell you Joey sat there until he decided he was good and ready to leave. So I leave you with this message- I'm watching and I can totally can tell you that your parenting methods don't work. First, he might kill a groundhog. Who knows what could be next?!!---Stop letting your kids run their own lives!!!! They're not in charge!

Inter-brain memo

INTER-BRAIN MEMO:

FROM: Ro

TO: The girl walking down Westchester Avenue with the shirt that reads "Yes, I AM the SHIT."

Don't be surprised when people look at you as if you smelled that way, too.